Recently, it has become popular to turn the delivery room into a cocktail party with guests enjoying snacks and breezy conversation while Mom is getting tortured. They think it’s going to be fun to watch until they spend some time there. Every type of bodily function is on display and coming at you in 3-D. It’s like a Gallagher concert, except it’s entertaining.
People feel the need to pass on their entire name to their offspring, as if the last name ain’t bad enough. Why give the kid both names? It’s a well-known fact that nobody likes sequels.
Family trees only matter if you’re betting on a horse or want to be a made member of the mob. Everyone’s family tree starts with a monkey and ends in disappointment.
Italian families are different from normal families. And by “normal,” I mean WASP families. There are many reasons for these differences. The first is volume. Italians whispering is screaming to a WASP.
The term “family vacation” is an oxymoron. If you’re stuck with your family, it ain’t no vacation. We should call family vacations what they are: “Countdown to Dad’s public tantrum.”
Interventions are a great way to lose a friend. That is because people don’t want to hear the truth about themselves. Addicts know they have a problem. Interventions are as bad as telling someone her boyfriend is cheating on her. Let her find out on her own. Remember: They always shoot the messenger.
Texting on a date is completely inappropriate unless it’s a blind date, and by “blind date,” I mean the other person is blind. What could be more important on a date with me than me?